I’ve lost about 105 pounds and haven’t been able to lose more. Down from 285 to 180. It’s frustrating that I haven't reached my goal but when I get sad or feel like I’ve failed I try to remember how far I’ve come.
My life pre-surgery: I was a very sad, very lonely 20-something. I had a few close friends but pushed most people away. I hadn’t dated in a few years and didn’t really want to either. I had no energy to do anything. A typical night would be to come home from work, possibly take a nap, watch Netflix alone on the couch, mindlessly eat, and go to bed.
My life now: I still have a few close friends and acquired some new friends. I’ve been living with my boyfriend for almost a year now. A typical night after work now is for me to come home from work, make dinner, do some cleaning, go to the gym (we just got a membership), relax with my boyfriend, and go to bed cuddling with the love of my life.
This surgery gave me an opportunity to start living. I chose to pursue surgery because I didn’t want any more years to pass by without feeling alive. And after almost 1.5 years of my surgery, I’ve made great strides toward living the kind of life I’ve always wanted. It’s not only because I’m thinner and healthier, though those do help. But this journey has never been solely a physical journey for me. It’s just as much, if not more, a mental journey.
I’m not there yet. I am much better than I was but not quite where I want to be.
I have recently admitted to myself that I have some lingering compulsive eating tendencies. It’s easy to ignore compulsive eating when you can’t eat a lot in one sitting. If I'm honest with myself that's the reason I haven't reached my weight loss goal. I plan to get into more detail with that on the blog so I can hopefully work through it and move on. But for now, I hope everyone reading this is doing well!